Wednesday, June 12, 2013

Coma, Comma, and The Plan

I have tried to write this countless times. I have tried in journals, I have explained it verbally, and I've now written and deleted it at least four times. I want to give you all a small amount of background of what was going on in my life when I left for Sweden. But that story isn't just mine. So I will give you this: my abridged side.

When I left for Sweden I didn't realize it but my life was about to slap me straight in the face. I was struggling with a long distance relationship with a boyfriend who was stationed in Iraq. I was embarking on what would be an adventure that never really stopped. A lot was happening that I am still processing. So forgive me if this is a clusterfuck of an explanation.

Wow.. I really don't know how to continue. What I want to explain to you all is that when I left for Sweden I was in the middle of a relationship. That it was long distance and that my boyfriend wasn't at some other university. He was in Iraq. I also want to say that I wasn't in a great place and that I was just starting to come out of some sort of life coma. And I don't mean comma although that would work equally well because a comma is used to show separation or pause (and many other reasons that don't go with my analogy here). So I was coming out of a life coma that I had been in for........what seemed like a long time (but I was only 20 so use your discretion on what could be a long time for a 20 year old).

I had put my mind on auto-pilot and was living by the obscene rules that I thought crafted a good life. I was following the plan. You all know now how well plans seem to work for me so you can understand why my mind protested and checked out. Plans don't work for me. Ever. And for the best. But I wanted it to work, desperately, and so I let go of so many things in order to follow the plan. And it blew up in my face.

I went to Sweden thinking (more or less) the following: This is the perfect opportunity! I have the chance to do everything I wanted to do while not ruining the plan. I am going to Sweden to do the study abroad that I always wanted and pass the time as best as possible until my boyfriend comes home. I'm going to have some fun, experience something cool, my boyfriend will come while he's on leave and we can have an awesome European adventure together. Then in just a few months after that we can meet again at home and be together forever.

No problem.

No one fucking told me that study abroad changes everything. Granted I don't think that most people's lives change as much as mine did after study abroad but shit... How I managed to convince myself that life would work out like it seems to for everyone else is a feat that my mind hasn't topped yet.

And all of the sudden there I was in the middle of Växjö Universtitet trying to find the Study Abroad Office. About to get slapped in the face by my own life. Ready?

P.S. Vote in the poll over here... this page has a good number of views yet only 4 people have voted so...come on now be a good sport and play along...        ------------------------------>

No comments:

Post a Comment